Joe Soriano
O.J. LewisStrange But True...
May 28th 2010 14:39
NBA Commissioner David Stern, who recently fined Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban $100k for allegedly “tampering” with the free agency of Lebron James, has broadened his utilitarian command by fining the Geico Gecko as well. Sources close to Stern say he was “fed up” with the Gecko’s antics. In addition, these sources have confirmed Stern’s belief that the “NBA will not stand for such vagrant uses of commercials in attempt to lure American drivers out of their current auto insurance contracts in order to have them become re-insured by some over paid, animated lizard.” This insider was not sure if the “lizard” that is mentioned in the statement was intended to imply the green one from Geico or Mark Cuban. Either way, Stern’s dictatorship may be in jeopardy due to the fact that Cheech Marin is currently out of work and may prove to be a more relaxed tyrant than Stern.
<editor’s note: After releasing this story a person close to Stern wanted to comment about the apparent misunderstanding. “David did not mean to offend any democratic countries by exercising any form of unruly control over the car insurance industry. This really just comes back to the fact that he just feels Lebron James should stay in Cleveland”>
After seeing that the University of Michigan has opted to try and resolve its own in-house problems regarding the excess practices endured by its players, other companies are trying to follow suit by implementing similar resolutions amongst their employees. For instance, Wal-Mart has recently fielded complaints from female employees stating that they were not being paid as much as male employees. Wal-Mart used their new resolution team, the Real Employees Targeting Angry Rights Democrats, or R.E.T.A.R.D., to solve the problem by firing all female employees.
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*the preceding stories were fabricated to the extent that I don’t want to get sued! However, there is a bit of truth to all of them! I hope everybody has a great Memorial Day Weekend and remember, if you are going to play with firecrackers… point them at the person no one likes! Be safe.
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